It’s the last weekend of June and it’s been an insane month of changes for me. I am going to be taking new responsibilities at work and saying goodbye to my first boss in my adulthood career. I have spent eleven years under his leadership and moving forward will have to figure out my own leadership dilemmas without his counsel. Like any relationship, it had its ups and downs, but he was part of my becoming an adult in the world of adults. I had internships and practica and jobs before the one I have now, of course, but I was always sheltered as a student or one with low responsibility. I still have a way to go, though, in my emotional development as an adult. Goals for myself to be the best I can be at what I do and to not compromise myself in the process.
Also, my birthday just went by and I really want to enjoy my 40’s. I am giving myself two years for the emotional growth I need to enjoy that decade, the one that research shows that adults enjoy the most when looking back at their lives. I’d really like to stop caring about things that don’t need my emotional energy.
It’s no surprise that after my life and the reads I’m reviewing here I went to the safety of some diversion reads. All the actualization and growth in my life is a privilege in itself. These books are about the transformative experience of doing time in prison. I’m grateful that my growth experiences have not had to involve incarceration, whether from a poor choice or being gravely disadvantaged. Like, I’ll miss my boss, but my life is and always has been a delightful array of choices and will continue to be so.
And I diverted a tiny bit from the category because they were supposed to be written in prison but they are about prison experiences, likely composed after the fact. So I cheated a little. I don’t think either of these were actually written in prison. Sometimes I think that if I went to prison I’d do a lot of writing, but I think I’m assuming my privilege would extend into a situation where it would fall painfully short.
A Book Written In Prison
The Sun Does Shine: How I Found Life and Freedom on Death Row, Anthony Ray Hinton and Laura Love Hardin
A black man in 1980’s Alabama is unjustly imprisoned and sentenced to death for a murder he did not commit. He is eventually exonerated, but not without a grueling number of years of surviving and trying to clear his name from his extremely disadvantaged standpoint.
This was as riveting as it could be depressing. Ray Hinton wasn’t born with much but he was likable, just trying to make it in the world before he was imprisoned, and then when he comes out of his emotional dark place to make the best of his situation and survive. He was impoverished and loyal to his family, and got through it out of others’ undying loyalty to him, both family and when he finally found a lawyer that could get him out. How he got tossed onto death row without the usually precursors of trauma and abuse and how he was stuck there and what he discovered about the world and about himself were all a compelling journey. One that I was grateful to experience from the outside.
Stories about inequality, privileges, and resilience have a place in our culture and it’s no surprise to me that Oprah has featured this book. Bad things still happen to people in this country on the basis of race, and people still hang in there in terrible situations that make most other people’s lives look pretty okay. I’m feeling pretty white here over my sadness over a change in leadership at my work and what it means to me, the fact I have a career that I can take as far as I want.
The other prison book I read is Prison with Privilege. Nothing like Hinton’s soul crushing years on Death Row in the Deep South, smelling other people dying and waiting for his turn.
Orange Is the New Black: My Year in a Women’s Prison, Piper Kerman
The title sums it up and it’s a Netflix series, so I can keep this short: Piper ran a suitcase of drug money during a less focused time in her life and had to spend 15 months in Danbury Correctional Facility when the people she worked for ratted her out when the ring was busted.
Hilariously I binge watched Season One of the Netflix series in the winter of 2013, when I had a year old baby and a husband watching football in another room. I didn’t then appreciate the intersection of these facts to create the rare opportunity for binge watching such an adult program. It was one of those where I could keep going once I got started but I had to be willing to face some of the cringe worthy intensity that makes the show as appealing as it is, and then I would get hooked. I can’t do this one episode at a time. I won’t push through the whole thing. I can only binge it.
Since I saw the show I was going to read the book. I knew it was dramatized for Netflix, but most of the elements I remember from Season One are in the book, just to a lesser degree of drama. The show made me petrified of going to prison and I became paranoid for a few weeks that somehow I’d get framed into such a situation. The book didn’t make it seem exactly appealing, but slightly less traumatizing, until she is transferred to another correctional facility to testify in court.
I’m not well versed in books written about prison experiences, but I am willing to bet that this particular book brings an element of privilege that most others don’t. She is white, she is well educated and well loved, something she knows sets her apart from the population. She talks about how her advantages get her through it and how she learns to use her connections to others better, rather than doing it all on her own. Ray Hinton’s connections also get him through his harrowing experience. Our connections and the meanings we assign to experiences are what helps us to survive.
She talks about this but I don’t think she looks down on the other prisoners. The show also tells more about the backgrounds of the prisoners to help people understand how women end up in Danbury. The struggles that lead them there. I always feel that the world could do with more empathy and I get behind any form of entertainment that helps to grow it, especially for the disadvantaged.
So good, but so difficult. Hopefully next week starts a new chapter of summer posts. I’m probably reading too much. I’m trying to keep the joy in my writing but probably avoiding it a little with my reading.