It’s my anniversary weekend! Seven years. My husband doesn’t seem to be itching and I even left him for a week this past summer to go camping with my son. He made pickles and ran laundry and went to work, I don’t think he was caught up in a flirtation with a pretty neighbor.
I remember when months seemed significant relationship markers, and then years did, and I think years were significant in the time when things and I were still changing constantly from year to year. Nobody held on for the entirety of my moving from a teenager to the adult I was when I met my husband, but that’s okay. For the best, actually. Now that the changes have slowed a little bit seven years is notable but nothing staggering. I have peers who have been married over ten years by this point with children much older than mine and seem to be doing okay together. So I will take the seven years since that Friday night I got married in a pub in a forty dollar cocktail dress. Even if marriage hasn’t always been my favorite. It’s never someone’s favorite all the time. But I’ll take it. I don’t mind a quiet life full of love and enough routine for me to explore my interests too. And have my sweet boy. I don’t know how people have the energy to carry on affairs while they fully intend on maintaining the marriage they have. Or the desire, really.
It’s interesting then that this week’s post,then, has a lot to do with a disastrous marriage in a time and place where disastrous marriages could have been the swept under the rug norm. I didn’t live in China during the Second World War so I couldn’t tell you for sure on that, but it makes a good story for Amy Tan to churn out.
A Book With A Female Protagonist Over the Age of 60:
The Kitchen God’s Wife, Amy Tan
Now, props to BookRiot for reminding me that the aged are also a marginalized group. Especially older women. With the focus right now, in my opinion, moving off color some and onto gender and still some on religion when it comes to being marginalized, I forget that a large chunk of our population here, Baby Boomers, are moving to the edges. They don’t run the world like they did when I was a kid. I run the world now! Argh!
And this is about a woman who was already pushed off in China for not having her mother around and then further roped into a disastrous (yes I am using that word again) marriage to a man who seems to have struggled significantly with a mood problem, not that that excuses his abusive behavior.
This would have been harder to read if I had not known from the beginning that she got out. If it had not started from the vantage of her adult American daughter who is married with children of her own. Since I knew it ended okay I could get through the assault, the infidelity, the numerous lost children who came to be and the ones who were lost before they did. The fact that her own father was victimized by him too when he had a stroke and they returned to his home to take over and therefore couldn’t, and never did, save her. I knew she had to have grit to wiggle her way out of his clutches, trying all the ways that she did to get away, and I wanted to know how she got out of the puzzle box.
And I don’t even know if this puzzle box was that unusual. She did live through the war, making her experiences somewhat unique, but how unique was it? Were many women in China trapped at that time like that? It is easy to forget when she comes to America and blends in with the other immigrants, which is hinted in the story, running a successful floral shop with two children and a husband, that there were layers of a hard life before underneath it. Yes, BookRiot, I am sure that this was exactly your point in tossing me into an Amy Tan book.
Speaking of Amy Tan, I read The Joy Luck Club 2005-2006 one summer in my boyfriend’s family’s hot tub, and while it was excellent, the toxic mother daughter relationships were hard to get through and sometimes this makes me reluctant to read more Tan, even though I also own The Valley of Amazement and The Bonesetter’s Daughter. I know she’s a beautiful, skilled writer who helps me see the world through a different set of eyes, but she can be hard on the emotions too. Which clearly also makes her gifted. But I was worried about the same mother daughter dynamic in this one, and while there is a mother and a daughter who do not understand each other, which would be hard anyway because they had completely different lives, they find a way to appreciate each other. They reach out between their cultural rifts toward one another and it’s a satisfying resolution all around. It wasn’t toxic, it was just a challenge, but both wanted to be better to the other, which made all the difference. Maybe her other books would be more palatable.
I wanted to lighten up the emotional pull of my reading after this, so I moved to The Master and Margarita, which I reviewed last week, which was challenging for entirely different reasons. But then I went camping and moved onto the Halloweeny reads while camping, which the reader should know by now includes scary books for all audiences and levels, and isn’t quite so serious. Reading while camping was awesome but I lost the moment to post on the magic of reading during camping. Maybe next year if I take my son to sleep in the woods with me again.